For the long haul

So, I've been editing my manuscript (again) all week.*sigh* I've become freakishly obsessive about it. I want it to be utterly perfect. Though I know that without professional editing, perfection is a long shot. I keep trying, day after day, night after sleepless night. I'm going to take the advice of some really talented writers and give it to a critique group. Sure, I've had people read it but, they all come back to me gushing with the typically gooey, "I just love it", "It's fabulous", etc. Do I really want that? No! I want it read by an angry drill seargent type. Someone who's gonna put me and the MS through literary boot camp...tell me what sucks about it, and why. Every time I do a read through, I find something that makes me cringe...and I fix it. My worry...what if one small part of the plot is all wrong? Even worse...what if I don't know, and no one tells me, and I send it? No one except for *Dum-Dah-Dum, Dum* my dream editor. The editor that, after months of the process, agrees to sacrifice their invaluable time to read it...ONCE. *Thump...forehead meets desktop* It would be like going to dinner with, Oh, I don't know, your favorite movie star and having a big black peppercorn stuck between your two front teeth. Your family (also at dinner) is too polite to tell you about it. You don't see it until dinner is over and the star is *sigh* gone...left with that one mental picture of you. It's done and over with. The star is gone, and doesn't ever want to dine with you again. That's how my mind's eye sees it going down. You know, when I send my manuscript off to: THEM. *shiver* So, I'm going to put it out there to some locals...locals who eat, breath, and sleep lit. I'm going to ask them for the painful, honest to God's truth. That's what I really need. If they too come back with wonderful reviews, I'll take it somewhere else. There is always room for error and improvement, and DAMN IT, I'm gonna find it! Meantime...I've started another one. OMG! are you serious? Yep, I am. I'm in this for the long haul so, I have a plan. A plan that--in theory--should keep my career rolling in forward motion. I'm starting an erotic romance. It's something I've been outlining and planning to do for a while. It's also sort of helped me to let go of what I've already written. When I say let go, I don't mean it in the sense of being done with it but, I'm putting it down (until further notice) and wiping my hands. I'm acknowledging that I've done all I can do for my beloved story. I'm going to have to get professional help if I ever want it to see the light of day. In essence: My erotic romance has become my 'intervention'. I'm moving on now. I'm happy to say that 1687 words in...I've just begun. I'm no Iris Johansen but...it's not a historical anyway, its set in present day. So far, I love it. I love the plot, the steamy characters, the planned resolve, and of course...the SEX. I'm taking it one step at a time, what choice does one have? I don't want to dive into something in which I'm not 100% satisfied with my skills. Okay, I'll settle for like, 94.7%. I still have many lessons to learn about writing and a bio to fill. I'll keep chugging along. One day, hopefully, I'll see my name on a glossy cover or two...or more. I'm in no rush. I want to go through this process the right way, like (almost) everyone else had to. So someday, when you're eating Jell-O from your wheelchair in the nursing home rec room, and see my name on the tellie...you'll say, 'Damn, she was in it for the long haul'. And then, they'll wheel me in to sit next to you. :o "Please...no autographs now." That's what I'll say, just because I'd waited so damn long to be able to. (bah-dump-bump)